One of my favorite parts of Ayurveda is the understanding that there are deep correlations between our emotional health and physical health. Emotions result from chemicals released in the body which enlist the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems to carry messages to the body. These two systems make up the autonomic nervous system which connects our emotional experiences to the health of our organs.
“sama dosha sama agnischa sama dhatu mala kriyaaha|
Prasanna atma indriya manaha swastha iti abhidheeyate” – Sushruta Samhita
The above quote is the ayurvedic definition of perfect health. All doshas must be in equilibrium (vata, pitta, kapha), the digestive fire must be in a balanced state and the tissues and wastes must work in a normal state. The sensory and motor organs, mind and atma (innerself, or inner essence) must also be in a pleasant state. In order for a person to have health not only should the physical body be working well but the senses, mind and inner self must also be working well. There are many ways Ayurveda addresses the health of the mind and body, all with the goal of helping an individual find integration of mental and physical health.
Warning, the following is a personal story about mental constipation that involves actual constipation. If talking about poop freaks you out just stop reading now. (ok, it’s not that graphic but I know some are more sensitive than others so consider this a trigger warning)
Life abroad has truly been sailing along in the most beautiful way. I have been amazingly physically healthy and mentally happy. Until that one Monday not so long ago when I didn’t poop. No big deal, it happens. We all tend to have digestive patterns when out of balance. Some lean towards loose stools others constipation. You can guess which way I lean. I have tools in place to help so I used them. Day 2 no poop. I used other tools. Day 3 no poop. I consulted Dr. Amrutha. She suggested some herbs and three days of matra basti (medicated oil enemas). I am no stranger to the oil enema, in fact I am a big fan. Another day I will get into the AMAZING benefits of the medicated oil enema. So no problem. Day 5 no poop. Now Dr. Amrutha and all the tiny doctors (very young interns that follow Dr. Amrutha around as they do their last year of internship of medical school and are all part of my poop journey so that’s actually 4 doctors helping me out) were all giving me sidelong looks and discussing my case in a language I don’t understand. I got the feeling that a person with a better behaved colon would have pooped properly by now.
(that would be a traditional tool used for insertion when doing a medicated enema. I prefer the vase version and no that was not used on me) 
Day 6 still no poop. At about this time I started to experience this sensation of my life essence being drained from me. I was not sleeping. My vigor and sparkle were missing. I felt pale and weak. I started having spontaneous crying jags where I thought perhaps I should reconsider EVERYTHING. Am I too old to be doing this? Maybe this is a sign I am on the wrong path. Is my colon broken? Will I die alone with intestines so packed with poop I can no longer function in this world??? It got dark fast. I could not logically explain the crying or constipation. The sadness was so deep down inside me that it could only surface with that force that erupts as ‘ugly crying’. I felt very alone and broken. I also was on a thinking loop of rationality, logic and self pity retracing my poop footsteps over and over. I will try this herb and increase the quantity. I will go home and accept defeat. I will do these yoga poses to stimulate downward movement in the colon. I will never be happy again. I will listen to uplifting podcasts and send positive messages to my colon. I will die alone full of poop. I think you get the pattern. Too bad I did not. This seems to be a message I have to learn over and over again. (If Kimber is reading this she is shaking her head in agreement.) I could feel myself ratcheting up when Dr. Amrutha suggested that maybe, just maybe I needed to relax. Get a massage, watch a fantasy movie. Forget about it. (Truly Ayurveda in action)
So, I did. On doctors orders I had a shiro abhyanga (head massage with warm medicated oil), full body abhyanga, and nadi swedana (steam). Afterwards I felt relaxed. I was sleepy, I layed down and started to drift off when…guess what? I had the urge to poop! They were rock hard and few in number but holy shit, and I do mean holy, because I felt as though my prayers were being answered! There was poop which was progress and light at the end of the very dark poop tunnel. As my movements started coming, my vitality returned. I felt renewed energy and enthusiasm for life. The next morning I paid a little extra attention to my looks and went out for a lovely western style breakfast with two new friends. I had real coffee and actual sourdough toast. It was amazing. I could not believe this full return to self I was experiencing. So what really happened?
There was no traceable food or routine change I could detect to have triggered this sudden constipation. However, I do have a history of not being able to detect emotions that need to be expressed. It is largely unconscious, though decade by decade I am becoming more aware of them. Those feelings that live in various organs and cells that sometimes break loose and wriggle to the surface asking to be released. For those feelings I have a special capacity to be totally oblivious. So much so that my physical body will often have to intervene. I will continually apply logic with reasonable action as to why I am not sleeping or pooping or overeating…until those pesky unasked for old feelings overtake me and I am now tasked with logically trying to understand why and where these feelings, usually crying in waves of grief type sadness, come from. And here, ladies and gents, is where I am ALWAYS learning. I can’t logically find an answer because it isn’t a problem to be solved.
Back to the beginning of this post. Emotions result from chemical releases in the body. These can be stored in the body for any length of time. Maybe this stored emotion is really old, like from generations past. Maybe childhood. Maybe just last year. What we don’t feel, we can’t heal. I have largely chosen to store my emotions starting from probably the age of 5. I have 45 years of unexpressed stuff that is living in god knows which organ, although clearly the colon is a fan fave resting spot. In Ayurveda the colon is associated with anxiety. Any anxious peeps out there with poop problems? Anxiety is subtle and powerful. It tends to make us feel scattered, shaky and out of control. The colon facilitates the final part of the digestive process ideally ending in expelling it as waste. Holding onto anxiety can hamper this process in various ways. Hello constipation, loose stools, bloating, indigestion…all issues many of us have had that can also be associated with anxiety.
So here I am, still learning that my mind cannot and need not figure it all out. A wave of sadness can come and I can just feel it so it can be on its way. Not a problem, just an old emotion wanting to get free. Really, it is a gift to be free from it. Such an easier gentler path than the mental gymnastics leading to constipation party I opted for. Because in hindsight there were signs. There was a day I really missed my people, it rose up and I thought, nah I’m good. There was a day I really missed my jeans with holes in them, and I thought don’t be a weirdo. I have been missing my home and my people and my stuff and instead of just being with those feelings I nudged them away until my colon had enough. I was emotionally constipated and it took three days of crying, and physical touch to finally let it go. Then the physical constipation could also let go. Thankfully I am no longer physically or emotionally constipated and I am left with the reminder that real health encompasses all of me, not just my physical body. I am most definitely still a work in progress and hopefully I am getting closer to learning this lesson.
Thank you for this….I am an anxious person and this piece really makes sense to me.
Thanks Tamara!